Langsung ke konten utama

Thoughts: She (still, for now) Wishes.

I depended my happiness.

And, it was the Best yet Worst path I have ever took.

Seems like it was just yesterday.
He talked on how they might work out,
How he doesn't even care how this turns out, and they agreed to not decide.
Now, it looks like she has a lot on her shoulder suddenly.
Like it was all on her.
She would have to take responsibility, on what was theirs to make.

Semester is over,
But more goes into it.
Them, was just not there anymore.
It was not written in any books, in any poets, nor in any songs.
They all said either to let go, or just don’t decide on anything.

The year is almost over,
But it took up more than just time for us.
The clock struck one, and one went down.
And on the other side, she froze.
As if the clock stops ticking on her.

She would not want to let go.
Thousands of pros and cons had ran over her head millions of times.
What she could not muster up was the talk. Also the courage to take action.
She could not bear witness her own self destruction.

Although, they said, time will eventually heal her.
Yes, but the memories linger longer and vividly even through much other incidents in her life.
She still got to take responsibility, doesn't she?


Wasn't it enough? Let's just wait. 
    She said.
'Til when? 
    He kept on asking.
Until…
I can bear to accept that somebody would take good care of you, better than me. 
And you would pick her over me, confidently.
She (wished she could) say.


Just let her hurt herself to the bone, if that's what it takes.



2019.23.12
02:49 AM
Another sleepless night.

Komentar

Posting Komentar

Postingan populer dari blog ini

Buah Tangan

Kala itu kita bersandiwara Bercerita hidup tak mudah dalam seketika Bunga dan Api hanya akan membawa petaka Bagi kuntum dan bara yang dihasilkannya Dua waktu, satu lokasi Bersamaan, seiring bayang yang hilang Kacamata berembun penanda dingin Hangatnya bahasa jadi penenang Mengetahui tapi enggan menyebutkan Hal tabu yang menjadi penghalang Tenaga yang dikeluarkan sia-sia kah? Meski bahagia menjadi ganjarannya. Tertandaku yang dapatkan buah tangan, 7 Juni 2018.
Posting Komentar
Baca selengkapnya

Loose Rope

I mourn for today, for it was my lost. And for it I kept on blaming myself, without a single solution. Hanging on a loose rope. Where both ends used to be hold on tight for dear life, and now it seems like one has let that go. If there was a day I needed you to make me feel better - or even just okay- then surely it's today. Because today, well, it has been a bad week. It was those bad days where everything feels wrong because nothing went right. Also it was one of those bad days that forms a crack. The kind of day you get bad news and know - or at least kept thinking- that more bad days lie in wait. It was one of those days you're afraid is only the beginning of whatever is going to break. But then again, as much as I hope you to, it was my fault for the bad days. Sadly enough, what victim would embrace the suspect after the deeds are done.
Posting Komentar
Baca selengkapnya

Tidur Malam Hari

Aku dan Kamu terpisah jarak dan budaya. Aku dan Kamu tak bisa semudah itu berbahasa Perbedaan aturan main menjadi kekangan sendiri dibatin.  Hati merindu tak dapat dilampiaskan dengan berkaca pada lagu. Asumsi dan prediksi bahwa kamu kelak berubah tentu tak dapat ditepis.  Walau begitu aku tetap mencoba tidak pesimis. Tidak hanya sekali dua kali, gangguan ini justru membuatku ikut menari.  Ingin ku terus menggapai, tapi apadaya tak sedikit yang malah melerai. Rasa yang muncul ini mungkin endhorpin sesaat. Tapi karena ini aku mendapat semangat. Yang tadi ku pikir akan datang lebih lama lagi, ternyata menjengukku tidur dimalam hari. Tulisan dalam akun tumblr pribadi, 2018.
Posting Komentar
Baca selengkapnya