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Thoughts: She (still, for now) Wishes.

I depended my happiness.

And, it was the Best yet Worst path I have ever took.

Seems like it was just yesterday.
He talked on how they might work out,
How he doesn't even care how this turns out, and they agreed to not decide.
Now, it looks like she has a lot on her shoulder suddenly.
Like it was all on her.
She would have to take responsibility, on what was theirs to make.

Semester is over,
But more goes into it.
Them, was just not there anymore.
It was not written in any books, in any poets, nor in any songs.
They all said either to let go, or just don’t decide on anything.

The year is almost over,
But it took up more than just time for us.
The clock struck one, and one went down.
And on the other side, she froze.
As if the clock stops ticking on her.

She would not want to let go.
Thousands of pros and cons had ran over her head millions of times.
What she could not muster up was the talk. Also the courage to take action.
She could not bear witness her own self destruction.

Although, they said, time will eventually heal her.
Yes, but the memories linger longer and vividly even through much other incidents in her life.
She still got to take responsibility, doesn't she?


Wasn't it enough? Let's just wait. 
    She said.
'Til when? 
    He kept on asking.
Until…
I can bear to accept that somebody would take good care of you, better than me. 
And you would pick her over me, confidently.
She (wished she could) say.


Just let her hurt herself to the bone, if that's what it takes.



2019.23.12
02:49 AM
Another sleepless night.

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